PROBLEMATIC PEOPLE PLEASING
The Self-Help Guide to Saying No and Meaning it
THE 2nd IN THE NEW HELP4DANCERS EBOOK SERIES
3 Easy Steps to Keep from Being a Pushover
*Master the art of the nice No
There are ways and ways of saying no. You don’t have to be aggressive or rude to refuse to do something that’s not convenient, or that you don’t want to do. The easiest way to change your mindset about saying no is to be straightforward, polite and calm. You don’t need to give an excuse or explanation, just a matter of fact refusal.
If you find it difficult to say no, write yourself an all-purpose script that goes something like “No, doing X isn’t possible today/this week/that night.” That’s all. Tailor it to what feels right for you but keep it short, sweet and polite.
*Stop apologizing
The first step to stop the apology reflex is to quarantine the word sorry to use only when it’s appropriate. Pushovers use ‘sorry’ as a defensive weapon essentially saying don’t hit me for not doing what you want. Sorry gives away your power and puts you at fault in what should be a no-fault situation.
Apologizing is asking the other person to keep pushing to see if you’ll cave in, as it signals powerlessness. Keep your refusal straightforward, polite and respectful. And don’t say sorry!
*Offer a compromise
There’s a balance between being a pushover and being unreasonable. Sometimes every team member has to go outside their job description to get the work done. If you’re asked to work a weekend or late, and you really can’t or don’t want to, offer an alternative. Perhaps you could offer to come in early or take work home or reprioritize your work so you can help straight away.
This book will teach you how to be Assertive
1. Start with asking for what you want
2. Establish the boundaries of the conversation
3. Hold the other person in the conversation accountable for their actions
4. Express yourself clearly and succinctly
5. Explain what you want and why
6. Allow yourself the idea that you might succeed and be prepared to accept success gracefully
Just Stop for a minute and listen to this short audio/video:
FROM MY BOOK, YOU WILL LEARN A LOT ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT PEOPLE PLEASING IS AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT
Table of Contents
Introduction
Problematic People Pleasing
3 Questions to Help You Figure Out if You Are a People Pleaser
Why am I a People Pleaser?
What Are Some Simple Steps I Can Take Now?
The Stop People Pleasing Action Plan
Standing Up
Saying ‘No’
Being Yourself
Putting Yourself First
Conclusion
26 Pages
IT'S TIME TO ACT NOW
Get a FREE Problematic People Pleasing Workbook worth £2.99, when you buy the main flipbook
Guarantee
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ABOUT THE CREATOR OF HELP4DANCERS
Terry Hyde MA MBACP
Psychotherapist/counsellor
Terry started dancing at age 6, won a 5 year scholarship to the RAD and subsequently attended the Royal Ballet Upper School, joining the Royal Ballet at age 18. He then moved to London’s Festival Ballet (now ENB) as a soloist. Having left London's Festival Ballet after 3 years, he started performing in musicals in London’s West End, in Film and on TV.
On retiring from performing, Terry set up a Business Manager for people in show business. On selling the business 15 years later, he retrained as a psychotherapist attaining a Masters Degree in Psychotherapy & Healing Practice validated by Middlesex University in 2012.
Terry combined his two passions, dance and psychotherapy, when he set up www.counsellingfordancers.com in 2017. He wanted to help dancers with their emotional and mental health issues. Having had a career as a dancer, Terry has a great understanding of the needs of dancers’ mental health issues. His one-on-one sessions are via Zoom and therefore he sees clients from around the world.
Terry presents interactive Mental Health Self-Care Workshops for Dancers. These proactive workshops are to help support dancers’ mental wellbeing teaching them resilience and how to be mentally fit and emotionally strong. In 2021 Terry created the Help4Dancers app.
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RESULTS NOT GUARANTEED.
